The Viking Gets Chili – Blazing Campfire Chili

Mexico and Texas.  Two places divided by a national border – on one side sits the USA, fat and happy in a giant ten gallon hat, and on the other sits Me-hi-co, full of, er, bandidos and tequila and Billy the Kid.  OK, so I learned pretty much all I know about Mexico from Young Guns and Red Dead Redemption; and all I know about Texas has been gleaned from brief glimpses of Dallas and Smokey and the Bandit.

There was one more film (that is to say, documentary) that gave great insight in to the ways of life in the old west.  Blazing Saddles was its name, and it contains one of the most famous scenes in movie history:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs

And, using farts as inspiration, that leads me on to this week’s recipe.  Rich, meaty, spicy, chilli con carne for you to blow the top of your head off (and the curtains out) with.  Now, there is one thing that we should deal with straight away.

Beans, or no beans?

There are some people (one of them happens to be married to me) who say that a Chili just isn’t a Chili unless there are beans in it.  There are others, like myself, who insist that kidney beans are something akin to what one would find ‘twixt the buttocks of a demon who has recently sat on a cold wall, despite the warnings of its long-ganged mother.  Still, your preferences for demon-haemorrhoids aside, there really are two ways to think about this.

It’s reckoned that in San Antonio (and other places that are associated with the origins of Chili) that beans were often used to bulk out, or instead of, the meat.  In more eastern areas, the term Chili is reserved for the all-meat dish, the term Chili Beans being used for the version with beans in it.

However you like it, you know that a good Chili can be a real life-affirming bowl of proteins and carbohydrate.  And, with a bit of love, care and attention (as well as a side order of patience), this can go from being your average ‘trail food’ to something that will leave you sweating – yet reaching out for more.

The Viking Gets Chili – Blazing Campfire Chili

Run to the shops, or to your store cupboard, and get your STUFF:

- MEAT.  500g of minced beef will feed four hungry people

- A few slices of Bacon

- Kidney beans (if you really must)

- Chopped tomatoes

- Chopped mushrooms

- A large red onion

- 4 cloves of garlic, minced

- Tomato puree

- A little beef stock

- A spoonful of English mustard

- A dash of Tabasco sauce

- A whole bunch of herbs and spices: A teaspoon of cumin, coriander, fennel, black pepper and paprika

- Hot Chili powder – be careful with this!  It’s really not joking when it says hot.  Half a teaspoon will give you a zingy mouth.  One teaspoon will give you a slight, enjoyable sweat.  Two teaspoons will require lots of cold beer.  Three will lift the top of your head off, and four will see you go volcanic, and will quite possibly lead to major delays on international flight routes.  You have been warned!

- Fresh Chilli (optional) – chopped for colour and flavour (if you’re using fresh Chilli, remember to change your chili powder levels accordingly…

Got all that?  Good.  Let’s get cooking, eh?

Method:

1)      Over a low heat, fry off onions and garlic in a heavy-bottomed pan

2)      Chop bacon, and fry off in the onion and garlic until brown

3)      Add minced beef, turn up the heat, and fry until browned

4)      Throw in herbs and spices, stir until the meat and onion has a nice covering

5)      Add a carton of chopped tomatoes and stir

6)      Add Mushrooms

7)      Drizzle in a splash of Tabasco sauce and, if you’re feeling fruity, a splash of Lea and Perrin’s

8)      Add beef stock.  I used a Knorr stock pot, a brilliant little cheat

9)      Reduce to a simmer, cover pan with a lid, and walk away

That’s it.  Leave it.  All you have to do is come back every fifteen minutes or so to give the meat a stir.  Ideally, you want the sauce to reduce right down so you have a nice, thick chili.  This can be eaten after half an hour if you’re in a rush, but for perfect results you’ll be best to leave this unctuous mixture simmering for two to two and a half hours.

In the meantime, drain your kidney beans and rinse them.  Set aside in a bowlful of cold water until you need them.

Half an hour before you are ready to serve, start cooking the rice.  Long grain white rice is a must for me, especially with this dish, but brown rice will work just as well. 

Ten minutes before you want to dish up, remove the kidney beans from the cold water, and then add them to your chili mix.  Stir through, and leave uncovered for ten minutes. 

Serve!

Serve in a deep sided bowl, with a side of grated cheese for topping, and a big bowl full of tortilla chips.  Use these in lieu of knives and forks – this is food that is meant to get you mucky.  You should be red faces, slightly sweaty, with great smears of red around the corners of your mouth by the time you have finished eating.  Serve with a long, cold lager, in front of your favourite film, with your favourite people, and you’ll have a great old time.  That said, do yourselves a favour and try to keep the windows open, hombres.  You know what I mean, right?

As ever, I hope you have a go at this, and I’d be really interested to know what makes a great chili for you.  Perhaps you’re a die-hard enthusiast for Kidney Beans?  Maybe you enjoy eating food so hot you could be classified as a minor star?  Possibly you’re offended by the addition of bacon?  Whatever your foibles, I’d love to hear from you!

I’ll be back next week, with more food that makes happy people…

Viking